What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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