why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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