6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
