I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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