just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
