Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
