I'm sorry my penis didn't work
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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