the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
