it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
