She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
