I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
