I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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