Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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