Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
