i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
