Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
