Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
