The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
