And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
