member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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