Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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