He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
