I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
