Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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