i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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