i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
