If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
And then he peed in my hair
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