Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
