There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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