ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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