man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
