You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
