I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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