I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
