I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
