a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You are the jesus of drinking
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
