It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
