A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
