you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
