I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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