i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
