R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
