I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
