So drunk its hurt
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
this hospital has no fireball
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
