Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
