why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
