I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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