Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
