yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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