I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he thought i was a dude.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
