We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
