either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
