The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
