At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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